This is the most difficult post I have ever had to write, please be aware this is why we are here is this post. I spent the entire day crying just having to relive this very moment.
After we finished our trip in Boston, we were sent home to love our boy forever.
What we would find this week would be that Kiel was no longer fighting for himself but rather for us. He would talk a little and then go back to sleep for a while. He would tell us he loved his brother and sister and the both of us.
We sat with Kiel as he slept, watched his favorite youtube channel, and tried to give him some supplement to keep him comfortable while he was awake. We talked, prayed, cried, and cried some more.
We would take turns snuggling Kiel and would take turns talking to him to make sure he knew we were right there with him.
I would sit with him and snuggle him and eventually tell him it was okay to just rest and let go. Later that day, unbeknownst to myself, daddy would do the same and tell him it was okay to rest.
Jacob and Layne would come in to snuggle and then we sent them to the living room to rest as it was late, layne was quite young and it had been a very long day. It would be a night that we would never forget and be embedded into our heads still to this day.
We spent a week home after leaving Boston only to never be able to leave that week behind ever again.
After the day was spent snuggling, talking to Kiel, and trying to rest it was getting late. Kiel was due for pain medication at 9:30 but he was sleeping so we let him sleep rather than waking him just to give him medicine for pain, which he would be in if he woke. As I sat next to him looking on my phone to buy his baby sister another baby blanket as hers was getting worn out, I would look up and watch him breathe and look back at my phone. I asked him while he was sleeping why I couldn't find that darn blanket, so I smiled at his beautiful face and kept looking.
At this time, it was about 11:30 or so and I decided I would see if his dad wanted to switch with me and get in some snuggles. As I looked up for the last time I looked for his chest to move and the little peaceful faces he made while he was sleeping, except this time, that was not what I saw.
In complete fear and disbelief he wasn't breathing anymore. I screamed for his dad to come to the room and he tried to revive him but we couldn't do so. We screamed and cried and so did his unknowing brother and sister. There was no way to explain to them the situation that was happening. We called his hospice team and they said they would be right there. There was no way we were going to bring him back since there was a reason he was on hospice to begin with. The cancer had taken over my beautiful baby boys body and there was nothing I could do about it.
After the years of fighting, believing he would beat this, searching the entire country for anything we could do to help him fight, consulting everyone who has ever treated childhood cancer, looked for natural methods, looked for out of the country crazy ideas, but there was nothing, nothing we could do.
Kiel had finally decided to rest forever. Kiel fought and won. He didn't lose, he didn't fail...he fought and won. Medicine failed Kiel, medicine was not there, research was not there, development for a treatment was not there. But above all else, what WAS there...was love. Nothing but pure strength from love, and if love could have saved him, he would still be here.
We had prayed the entire week he was home for peace and strength to make it thru, and it showed up in a different way.
At 11:30 pm on March 5th, 2017 we said our I love yous and goodbyes. He was gone from his earthly body to his spiritual home forever, now our angel really was our angel.
The wonderful people came from the funeral home to take Kiel to what would be the last place we would see his beautiful face.
Kiel was resting in this photo prior to his last week home.
